She loved butterflies. We weren’t friends anymore and the last time she spoke with me, she spoke with words doused in alcohol and a hurt heart.
When she had her good days she was an absolute delight to be around with. Bright, funny, delicate and caring.
Sunday she took her own life.
Years spend in solitude, in almost constant intoxication, fear and the thought of being a laughingstock. I saw her for the last time, last summer. With slight guilt on her face. Having chosen a side she thought was right. And later, like so many of us, explained her reasons in anger and accusations.
And then there is that goddamn silence.
What is this Earth after all when there is not a soul to share it with. No arms to hold you. Or eyes, of your own species, to look into when trying to understand life and it’s fickle ways.
Too young, too bright. She loved butterflies so so much.
Sometimes it feels like a little fat monster just took your heart out, then went to sit in a corner and started nibbling right on the bits where it hurts the most.
And to scare that little three-eyed fatty away there always had been some sweet delight to save what was left from that pounding muscular organ.
I’m 9 days into this detox and realized that I’m not that brave. My world has fallen apart just a teensie bit (okay a lot a bit) and to cope with the loss (or the freedom) leaves me a bit puzzled. What to do?
It’s quite peculiar that practically every social event is marked with the consumption of sugar. Birthdays, death, heartbreak, weddings etc. Having no access to sugar makes me look at how I handle things and, though hard, forces me to find alternatives that are perhaps a bit more healthy than getting into a sugar high or hide under my blanket.
(But ooh how I’d love to munch on a bar of Milka Oreo’s or Tony Chocolonely Salty Karamel right now!)
Still 21 days to go. The one thing that does make me smile is drawing and a new doodle, for my friend Saviour is coming up. I’m trying to record how I did it as some of you asked me for a tutorial before. The good news is that I’ve finally got some decent glasses and I can actually see what I’m doing. Makes such a difference.. but my room looks a lot filthier too now ;)
A sugary quote to go: “Don’t cry, Treasure. You’ll get me all wet and then I’ll melt. I’m made of sugar, don’t you know.”
For the past few days I’ve been lingering in front of the fridge. Opening it. Closing and Opening.
Thinking to myself: “Just one bite, they will never know”. And then feeling quilt y straight away for attempting to be a fraud.
This time I haven’t even sniffed.
My all time favorite. Ah the times we had. You’ll always be my number one.
Now if you are anything like me you’d eat a whole pack of chocolate chip cookies and then wonder where they’ve gone. I’ve been in this glorious love affair with sugar for ages but it’s time to let go. I’m quite overweight. Add to that, that my mother and half of my family are diagnosed with diabetes.
It wouldn’t be the smartest thing to continue with sweet fests right? right!
The plan? For the coming 30 days no sugar. :D
Yup.. no chocolate, no ice-cream, no cookies, no pop-corn, no fudge, no brownies, no jelly beans.. oh noooo.. [she cries]
So this project took me over a year to finish. A leetle longer than I anticipated ;) but it has been well worth it. I started this Project-30 after reading one of Jon Hilton’s posts. The first doodle wasn’t that good but I soon found myself having great fun with it and actually getting a little better with each doodle over time.
I do hope to finish the next project in 30 days… instead of taking longer than a year ;)
Missed a few but in the video below an overview of my doodle journey: