This is me when I was 24.
Argylesock left a very interesting comment the other day that had me think:
“Another thing I notice is the way all the men in your photos point their toes straight ahead or outwards. Assertive or dominant postures. Women often do those things too but there’s also the submissive, girlish posture with toes turned inwards. As in the photo at the top of your blog. We can see only the feet, and a shadow of the body which doesn’t clearly indicate the person’s gender. But as soon as I saw that photo I read it as a girly girl because of the toes turned inwards, and the flowers painted on the boots.
Several times I’ve been friendly with trans women (=male to female trans people) who asked my advice about how to look feminine. One piece of advice is to stand or sit with your feet and legs close together, and with your toes pointing inwards or straight ahead. You can look very girly, even in Doc Marten boots.”
I never thought about it this way.
For most of my childhood I had short hair (Well.. I’ve had a lot of different hair styles) and a lot of times people mistook me for being a little boy. It wasn’t until I hit puberty that I was aware of the way I looked. You know, that time when the comments start and it seems as if everybody is trying to dissect you like a naked little frog.
“Don’t whistle, don’t walk with your hands in your pocket, sit with your legs closed together, don’t burp”
I think part of me dressing and acting ‘feminine’ now, stems from those comments and what is accepted in society as normal. I love being a woman (it’s like playing dress-up every day) but there is something very contradicting about the way we consciously or subconsciously behave and the way we want to be treated. That already our body language alone, indicates a more submissive and less assertive or dominant role.
I haven’t entirely made up my mind about body postures and what this means or doesn’t mean for female emancipation – but it would be interesting to find out, when you change your assumed body postures how your surrounding responds to that.
Now I have to look through my photos and see where my toes point!
I did the exact same thing when I first read it. And I actually do in most of my photos!
Thanks for dropping by!
O.O I never thought about it that way either! Now I am going to be paying way more attention to the way I stand
I always thought the person in the image at the top of your blog was a girl because of the boots and shadow. Weird 
I now see that I am arching my back (shadow) it’s also something typical for girls to do. I am going to do the same thing.. shopwindow mirrors!
Hah. My friends will be asking me what I am doing looking at reflective things all the time. My only reply will be: I am doing a study of the behavior of girls.
Time to prepare for some weird looks.
Sit up straight in your chair. Stand up straight, no slouching, throw your shoulders back and you will project confidence (whether you have a clue about what you are doing or saying or not.) Posture, how we carry ourselves, how we move and interact with those around us are huge “identifiers” about the type of person we are. Even if they aren’t correct, those perceptions are heeped upon us – like judging a book by its cover.
Thanks for your comment! We learn some of these in business school. I think shoulders back is definitely a good one (hunchback.. never do this) to remind myself of doing every day.
Those were all “tips” from my parents pretty much every day of my life while I lived with them… didn’t make much of an impression on me though because I still slouch all the time.
Be yourself, no matter what others look or act like. Conforming to societies acceptable “norms” is why the world is full of mindless sheep.
Thanks for your comment! Reminds me of E. E. Cummings: ““To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle.”
I agree. It is not just gender either. It is your confidence and how you walk, whether you look people in the eye, whether you project self love and self acceptance. Embracing certain gender attributes are empowering, accepting gender limitations are simply unacceptable. I love your epiphanies, they keep me thinking. . .:)
Ahw thank you! I have the same with your haiku’s they make me rethink my entire formal upbringing! I love this ‘accepting gender limitations are simply unacceptable’ So true!!
Great thoughts here. I don’t think that being feminine excludes you from being dominant in any way. You can conform to any style or beauty fad that you want, but it is what is inside that counts and as anyone who reads here knows, that is great stuff. So look any way you want, don’t apologize for it or feel bad about it in any way. Beauty is always on the inside anyway. Anyone who judges you is only judging themselves.
Thanks Jonathan! The comment by Argylesock had me think about the way women carry themselves and how this is expressed in even the smallest of body gestures. I think it’s true what you say to not feel bad about who we are. I think I have always been the oddball but now I really enjoy being myself. Life is too short to conform isn’t it.
Yes life is too short for conforming. You are a wonderful person with great insight into life. You be the best you that you can, you are one of a kind, and simply awesome.
Ahw thanks and a BIG hug from Holland!! Thank you for your encouraging words and do know that the same applies to you!
Yup, yup.. you are awesome!
Honestly, I never noticed your toes pointing inward until now. I think I always knew you were a woman because of your gravatar picture.
Yeah.. that’s a pretty big giveaway
INTERESTING!
Ditto Jonathan’s reply.
I did figure a female person in the pic.
It is isn’t. I never thought about it this way
Body language tells more than we realise.
I’m glad you liked my words. It’s interesting to read people’s opinions here.
There’s the laughing, too. Women trill – high-pitched giggles – when men make jokes or just because there’s a man in sight. Also the interrupting. When men interrupt, women stop speaking.
A friend of mine told me that during a job interview, she was spotted as a dyke. Not because of her hairstyle or clothes, but because she leaned forwards and put her hand on her thigh with her elbow pointing outwards. Perhaps also because she tends to pitch her voice deep and to smile only when a smile is relevant. And as you mention, this friend looks people in the eye.
So true and thanks for your comment! You always have me think
I think with the giggling you also see women acting less intelligent than they really are. Perhaps to come across less aggressive or to stroke the ego of the other species. One thing I’ve noticed is that you can be called a dyke quite easily nowadays. When you reject the advances of a men, when you look a tad bit more muscular, when you remain single or even with certain professions.
I haven’t been aware of the interrupting when men speak. Will pay more attention to that!
I agree about ‘less intelligent’. It’s a time-honoured strategy for women to get what they want from men. You’re right about ‘dyke’ too. As you might know, I really am a dyke. It always feels weird to hear that word used as an insult. The word ‘lesbian’ too. My favourite response to, ‘Are you a lesbian?’ (said aggressively by a man when I don’t look meek) is, ‘Are you the alternative?’ but of course, the best way to get rid of unwanted male attention is no response at all. Rejection stimulates more harrassment but if you’ve clearly got far more interesting things on your mind… ha!
Thank you for saying that I make you think. It’s mutual. In fact I thought of you today. As you may know, our British parliament has just passed a law to legalise gay marriage so that’s a top news story here now. I saw a reporter interviewing an activist who doesn’t want gay marriage, and another who does want it. The anti-gay activist was the only woman in that conversation and I watched her meekly giving way to the men when they interrupted her.
I read it in the news. Very exciting and I hope more countries will follow suit soon!!:D I think the woman also just gave way because at least 99,9% of the arguments against gay marriage are absolute bonkers. I hear you on the insult part. It is so strange that any term that is related to homosexuality is used derogatory so often. I think it has become so mainstream most of the time we don’t even notice it. Shows like The Big Bang Theory (though I love it) always have me wonder why homosexuality is treated as something absurd or something ‘funny’.
Yes, and likewise ‘lame’. I smile from my wheelchair and remark that I’m gay *and* lame!
It’s true that the anti-gay speaker in that interview was talking bollix. Did you see this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-YCdcnf_P8 When straight women think that I’m a threat to their marriages, my response is, ‘You should be so lucky, darling.’
My daughter was a cute little blondie and we got her hair cut short at about age 5 — she looked so adorable! And some woman in the grocery store called her a boy. It ruined the haircut for her. I thought, “What’s wrong with you lady? She has on flowered shorts for goodness sake!” My daughter has had long hair ever since!
It’s funny about gender. I always tried to bring my kids up gender-free, but when my son wanted to wear his dress-up skirt to town (he was about 4) I drew the line. I think the flowers on your boots gave it away more than the toes pointing in…
Och.. sometimes I don’t understand women like that (case of the green-eyed monster?) it’s just a kid no need to make comments that are hurtful and make no sense at all. I don’t have children yet and right now I think I would have no problems with my (future) son wearing a skirt to town but that’s easy said. I don’t know when I actually have children if I would. Kids (and adults) are cruel.
The one thing I like best about short hair is that it’s so maintenance free!
interesting posts. wow.
*post x)